The year was 2020, the month January. New stories were circling the globe that there was a deadly, virulent illness spreading. Its symptoms were flu-like but much more dangerous with people finding themselves in the hospital on ventilators, many dying, and quickly. News spread that this illness came from the Asian section of the earth and that authorities there knew about it but did not want the population to know, to be scared, to respond with panic. Like the illness itself, the reactions increased, and governments enacted restrictions to limit the spread of the disease.

Tonight we’ll hear directly from the planets themselves about those dark and trying days.

Pluto: Well, I was still in Capricorn if you remember, although I’ve noticed memory is what was most affected by this illness. I came to Capricorn in 2007 and I thought I made it clear by creating a global financial crisis right away that I meant business. Your Capricorn structures were no longer effective. I’d like to be gentler, but that doesn’t seem to work, especially because Saturn seems to like all structures. You have to destroy them to get Saturn to change.

Saturn: I resent being made the “heavy,” here. Pluto, I joined you in Capricorn for a couple years. I know how humans are – change things too quickly and they freak out. I was just trying to slow the pace, let them believe for a little while that things would go back to “normal.” I left you alone in March 2020 when I went to Aquarius to show people how to connect socially without leaving home.

Jupiter: You showed people how to connect socially, Saturn? Speaking of short memories, I was joining you and Pluto in Capricorn for a year. I was the one who helped people from having Saturn pessimism and depression due to isolation and brought creative responses. You and Pluto are like cops to the house party.

Saturn: I’m always called the “cop” and “the task master” and “maker of rules” like that’s a bad thing. Yes, there are bad cops. But remember when the electricity goes out what it’s like driving without traffic lights. That’s what life would be like without me.

Mars: Is there a fight going on? I love a good fight, although it sounds like the same fight I hear from Saturn and Pluto all the time, doesn’t matter what sign – Pluto wants to rip everything apart and Saturn wants everything to be “normal.” I was visiting Sagittarius in January 2020 but didn’t stay long – I only visit a sign for about a couple months. But at least with Sagittarius there’s some talk about foreign places as Sagittarius loves to travel, loves the different experience. But I was forced into Capricorn in February. Next time you spend a month in a sign with Saturn and Pluto, let me know if you don’t come out angry and ready to spin wheelies in the middle of suburban streets.

Mercury: Hey, what’s everyone talking about? Oh, January 2020. Yes, I was visiting Capricorn and stuck in the middle of Pluto and Saturn as well. Pluto insisted I tell the world “We’re changed forever!” although I knew the world would get distracted soon enough. I shouldn’t admit it, but I get a lot of amusement out of earth people who one minute are in dire fear of dying and the next totally absorbed in some silly sitcom.

Saturn and Mars at the same time: Admit it, Mercury! You create it! You’re always laying crumbs in different directions; no wonder humans can’t even change a lightbulb together let alone solve global problems.

Venus: Am I allowed to contribute? Sometimes I wish I could go to a different solar system, somewhere where the planets know how to relax. We’re on this beautiful planet with blue skies, green grass, golden deserts, snow-peaked mountains, glowing birds, lush forests, glistening snow,

Mars: Are you done yet, Venus? We don’t have all day.

Venus: We do have all day, actually. My point is if we’d relax and enjoy the earth maybe Pluto would chill out and leave us alone. I was in Aquarius and Pisces in January 2020. I like Pisces because it’s soothing and compassionate. If you weren’t around, Mars, we could have comforted each other instead of fighting.

Mars: I didn’t start a fight.

Neptune: Let’s not fight. I thought traveling through Pisces would help us see that we are all one, you hurt others, you hurt yourselves. You destroy the planet, you destroy yourselves. I put a spotlight on Mr. Rogers because he is the voice of Neptune and Pisces.

Mars: Neptune, what the heck are you talking about? No one ever understands you.

Neptune: Yes, I feel ignored or misunderstood most of the time. Venus, you’ll understand. Earth people are actually more peaceful than they appear but Mercury lets Mars dominate the news.

Mercury: I just tell it like it is. But what “is” changes every minute of every day.

Saturn: Neptune, you’re ignored because you’re not the real world. In this world we had illness so when I moved to Aquarius in March 2020 (I just moved to Pisces in January 2023) I helped keep the world at home, separated and safe.

Neptune: Don’t I know it! I’m ignored yet when there’s discomfort, call Neptune! By the time people call me, they are ready to escape into media and substances. If they called earlier, I could offer more long-term solutions for peace and harmony.

Saturn, you may think separate is safe but earth beings are wired to be connected emotionally. If you cut that off, I have no choice but to provide the experience through media images and heightened sensation through substances.

Jupiter: I can help with that, Neptune. I can expand that and make it bigger and better.

Uranus: Hey, are you all having a conversation? I heard Saturn say something about moving to Aquarius. Yeah, I remember that because I was side swiped. I was in the middle of helping people understand their bodies and global supply chains, and how consumerism affects the earth. Then suddenly everyone is ripping products off store shelves in mad panic and act like all that plastic suddenly cleaned itself from the oceans.

Mercury: Your problem, Uranus, is that you’re not consistent. One minute it’s toilet paper, the next peanut butter.

Uranus: It’s all related if you’d let me explain. I have a chart – where did I put it? – of the global supply chain, all the inputs and outputs, how one small change affects the whole and how quantum physics affects it from the perspective of perception and manifestation.

Mercury: Uranus, you’re worse than Neptune. No one understands either of you.

Uranus: You will when you go to the store this week.

Mercury: Even if you each had your own way, you’d just move to new signs and then repeat the cycle over and over. It never ends.