Cancer: Did Virgo not show up? She’s never late so she must be ill.

Sagittarius: She’s always complaining about some ailment or another.

Cancer: I can eat anything I want then without hearing about whether it’s “healthy” or not, how many calories it has and how many steps I need to walk to burn it off.

Taurus: Are we eating anything we want today? I’ll have a steak and baked potato with all the sauces and toppings.

Capricorn: I ate breakfast. It’s a little shy of three hours before lunch time.

Sagittarius: You have a lunch time?

Capricorn: Doesn’t everyone?

Aquarius: My lunch time, if I eat lunch, is at four in the afternoon. I like to sleep during the day and be up at night. Internet connection better, night people more interesting than day people.

Gemini: When do you eat breakfast? I can see you’d eat dinner later, but I’m not following how you eat breakfast.

Aquarius: Call it breakfast; call it dinner; call it whatever you want. I just eat when I eat. And I like the things Virgo makes – always unique with rare vegetables I’ve never even heard of. If anyone knows what “mountain vegetable is,” please let me know. I’m curious.

Sagittarius: I know how to say “mountain vegetable” in Korean but I don’t think that will help you. But if you know Chinese or Japanese I can translate.

Aquarius: Send me a link with translation.

Scorpio: Three cups of coffee, that’s my breakfast. The mountain vegetables can wait until lunch. But I’ll try ‘em.

Leo: Virgo just called. She plans to work late then go for a workout. Then she said she needs to work on her meal plan for the week. After that, she’s coming by. Let’s just get a pizza and beer. She’s bringing alfalfa sprouts. We can say we ate.

Aries: I’ll order the pizza. I like pineapple on mine so we’ll get half with pineapple. When Virgo gets here, I think I’ll try the alfalfa sprouts on the pizza.

Capricorn: What if others don’t like pineapple? I’ll have the alfalfa sprouts on my salad where they belong.

Leo: What salad?

Aries: You should, just try it, Capricorn. Maybe you’ll like it instead of not liking it in advance.

Libra: Let’s not argue. We can get several pizzas. Or, if you want, I have this amazing recipe that I learned in my “Artisan Pizza” class that really doesn’t take long. We spice the sauce and cheese and leave the toppings for each person to put on his area of the pizza. It’s cool looking when we’re done.

Taurus: Do we have time for that? I like Leo’s idea of just ordering.

Pisces: I sense that Virgo has scheduled too much and will be later than expected. She’ll probably send us texts after each effort so we can track her progress.

Gemini: I think she tracks all her waking hours on the “All Your Waking Hours” app. She shared it with me. I think I’m supposed to be her “witness” and catch her if she sneaks a Little Debbie brownie.

Libra: Brownies would make a nice dessert.

Sagittarius: Didn’t Virgo say she was allergic to nuts? Don’t Little Debbie brownies have nuts?

Gemini: Tree nuts, that’s what she’s allergic to. She explained it all to me once, but I forgot which nuts are tree nuts versus legumes.

Scorpio: It’s all psychological if you ask me. One day she’s allergic to nuts, the next day household cleaners, then it’s the aged bourbon I got her to drink so she’d relax a bit. I haven’t invited her to dinner in years — too much hassle.

Pisces: That’s too bad. She’s quite interesting when you get her on a subject that interests you. I just chat her up before I make the dinner to see what’s new on her diet. Last time was better than expected. Mostly she was concerned with organic but please don’t tell her that not all the vegetables were organic. Who can tell anyway?

Leo: I ordered a bunch of pizzas with different toppings. You can fight when they get here.

Libra: No one’s fighting, we’re just discussing.

Aries: I wanted to order the pizza.

Cancer: Sounds good. I’ll have to be careful so I don’t upset my stomach.

Pisces: If you do, don’t tell her because then she’ll know what happened.

Cancer: Quit worrying; I’ll just say I got a stomach bug.

Leo: But then you’ll have to drink the medicinal teas Virgo carries around in her purse. Everyone just suffer your stomach pains in private. Enjoy the pizza and forget about stomach pains.

Taurus: My stomach rarely bothers me. Made of steel.

[Sound at the door]

Leo: The pizzas!

[Virgo enters]

Virgo: I’m here earlier than expected. Since it’s a holiday the lights were off at the office and the gym was closed. I brought a new stew – packed with vitamins! What did you all bring?