The “FitzGerald Scandals” have begun. If you have children hovering over your shoulder as you read this, please turn their innocent eyes away from the screen.
FitzGerald, Democrat running against Republican incumbent John Kasich, has not one but two scandals looming over him as the gubernatorial election is just 90 days away.
Scandal 1: Two years ago FitzGerald was seen in the wee hours of the morning in a car with a woman-not-his wife. Cleveland.com now writes there are witnesses claiming they were seen in the backseat.
Scandal 2: FitzGerald didn’t possess a driver’s license for ten years.
Will FitzGerald survive these scandals?
He might, as few around me have even heard of FitzGerald. If this is representative of the state, FitzGerald has some time.
These scandals are, how shall we say it, not the stuff of a prime time TV show. We may need something more, how shall we say it, interesting, to bring FitzGerald to the attention of an electorate still planning last-minute summer vacations and the beginning of the school year.
By the way, the real scandal, pointed out months ago by OHA, is that we don’t know where FitzGerald was born. Astrologers demand an answer. There’s your scandal.
New and Improved Scandals
If I was an evil astrologer, and I swear I’m not, I’d recommend a few tweaks to the scandals to be in line with the heavens. Back in the day, you know, the Middle Ages, astrologers helped politicians with stuff like this all the time. We even got PAID.
Astrology, of course, is nonsense so let’s have some fun making up scandals so that the Ohio governor election in November is both fun and national-news worthy.
This writer is always happy to see women more involved in politics, but has a little disappointment that the involvement includes only one portion of the female anatomy. While backseat trysts generally make good scandals and remove men from political achievements, we can think outside the vagina.
FitzGerald has sun in emotional Cancer and moon in cold Capricorn or possibly equally-cold Aquarius. Yes, Capricorn moons have passionate love affairs (I hear), but it’s not often you find any Capricorn energy with its pants down.
If the moon is in Capricorn, we have a nice T-square of moon, Venus (in Cancer) and Saturn (in Aries). That suggests some trouble in love through lack of ability to assert the self. Cancer is family so if we really want to juice this up, we can claim:
FitzGerald in Backseat Tryst with Distant Female Relative.
Uranus will transit FitzGerald’s natal Saturn in Aries after the election, but is currently squaring his natal Mars in Cancer.
What’s a good scandal involving fiery Aries and watery Cancer?
FitzGerald Throws Homemade Soup at Journalists, Misses, Hits Senior Citizen. FitzGerald Refuses both to Apologize and Divulge Recipe.
That has Aries aggression coupled with Cancer love of cooking.
We know FitzGerald didn’t renew his driver’s license, suggesting he has absent-minded professor Aquarius as his moon (this is truly bizarre). Maybe we can go Aquarian and say:
FitzGerald Produces Star Trek Federation ID Instead of Driver’s License.
That makes him weird, a big no-no in politics.
Lastly, with four planets in water we can add:
FitzGerald Responsible for Toxic Algae in Lake Erie.
With Jupiter, Venus and sun in earthy Taurus and moon in earthy Capricorn, all scandals lead to one place with this chart – money.
Money, assets, property, investments – all lead to productive, albeit somewhat boring, scandals. Kasich has already been involved in one money “scandal.” The Jupiter-in-Taurus period of summer 2011 to summer 2012 is the best time to look for expansion of money in Kasich’s recent past.
How can we make an interesting money scandal for Kasich?
With natal Pluto square sun (mark of a politician), we can add payments to Plutonian-underworld figures. I don’t know if we’ve ever had that kind of scandal in Ohio. With casinos sprouting like algae, maybe that’s the tie-in combined with Taurus’ practical approach to spending:
Kasich Rigs Slot Machine Then Buys $5000 Worth of Storage Containers from the Container Store.
I’m guessing Kasich is frugal so maybe something along those lines might add a little color to the money stories. Let’s try:
Kasich and Political Friends Order $5,000 Meal, Split Bill and Leave $3 Tip.
For politicians, money troubles usually involve taxes. Saturn is transiting Scorpio and is opposite Kasich’s sun so it’s rather a good time for this type of information to emerge.
Kasich Avoids Taxes by Cashing Checks at Always Payday and Stuffing Cash in Mattress.
Transiting Uranus square natal moon in Capricorn might bring women out of Kasich’s backseat as well. But a little twist might be to involve a Capricorn-authority character. We’ll add a little of the natal Mercury-in-Aries outbursts, which will continue to increase for Kasich as transiting Uranus moves through Aries.
Kasich and Female Officer Found in Backseat After He Calls Her an Idiot and She Finds She Likes It.