The other night, my cat woke me at 4 am for breakfast. She should know after three years that breakfast does not occur until the alarm goes off at 6 am.

“It’s not 6 yet,” I told her.

“But I’m hungry.”

“Go lie down or find something to do.”

She laid down next to my head, as is her habit, so that she wouldn’t miss the the alarm. She’s very good at reminding me that if I turn off the alarm and lie back down for “a minute,” it’s possible that I will fall asleep again. She never lets that happen.

At 6 am, at the sound of the alarm, I found her next to me reading an article someone posted on her Facebook profile about things parents should stop saying to non-parents.

With a twist of her whiskers she said:

“It says dogs aren’t kids.”

“That’s true,” I reluctantly admitted, knowing a simple response would never suffice.

“What’s the difference?” she asked.

Where to begin?

“They’re just not,” I snapped. “Kids are way different, really, they are.”

“What about cats?”

How to tell her that while cats are the most common pet, it’s truly a dog-centric world?

“Cats are also not kids,” I explained. “Cats and dogs are what are called ‘pets’.”

This was a new concept for her, but her wonderment passed quickly.

“If you don’t get up soon, you’ll be late for work.” She added, “And I’m hungry.”

“I’m getting up,” I said, lifting my tired body.

“What’s ‘work’ anyway?” she asked, thoughts still processing.

“Work is a place kids and dogs are allowed to visit, but not cats.”

Kids and Cats

After breakfast, my cat and I discussed the astrological difference between cats and kids. Astrology, as usual, makes everything clearer for my feline.

Kids, I explained, are the domain of the 5th house of the horoscope. The 5th house is ruled by Leo and subsequently rules romance, children and creative output. When someone says their creative project is their “baby,” they are saying they’ve sent an energetic portion of themselves into the creative work. Also children are bred of romance (hopefully) and are a product of love (hopefully).

Cats (and dogs and other pets), I further explained, are the domain of the 6th house of the horoscope. The 6th house is ruled by Virgo and subsequently rules health, work and pets. Pets are not birthed by humans and share no energy. Taking care of animals, I explained carefully to my cat, is about service. You feed and clean poop from your beloved pet (and we love you more when you poop in the litter box). Even though we do all that for our pets, they are unable to bring us chicken soup when ill or do the laundry when we are busy or make us tea so that we can wake up more quickly.

“Do kids bring chicken soup to their sick parents?” asked my cat.

“Good kids do.”