January 11, 3012

Chapter 1: The Beginning

A millennium ago when the magnetic fields of the earth were shifting and the waters of the ocean were warming, a man named Romney the Inevitable ran for the presidency of what was then called the “United States of America.” Romney the Inevitable was the son of Romney the Elder.

During the 2,000 year age of Pisces, the people of the earth were frequently worried about falling off the edge of the world and the ending of the world. The Piscean energy of merging with others and with the divine both inspired and scared the people of the earth.

Romney the Inevitable carried watery Piscean and Scorpio energy and lacked a fire of the spirit. The mood of the people was grim and while Romney the Inevitable did not stir the passions of the people, they accepted with resignation a leader who appeared to be inevitable as no joyous contender was able to defeat Romney the Inevitable through the contemporary mode of warfare called, in Olde American English, “primaries.”

These “primaries” were fought with electronic devices called “voting machines,” the sword having long fallen out of disfavor as the weapon of overthrow. The machines employed ancient techniques of technology and the people did not look behind the machines to examine how they functioned.

Just prior to Romney the Inevitable, paper that was called “money” and was used for trade was printed in excess during Pluto in Sagittarius causing the people to trade unequally. The printers of the excess paper watched over this unequal trade and benefited by its outcome. The people, however, suffered from it.

The people were made poor and greatly saddened as Pluto entered Capricorn. The housing and labor structures of the people were greatly disturbed by the contracting energy (Capricorn) that followed the excess energy (Sagittarius). The people knew not what happened.

In the one hundred years prior to Romney the Inevitable, Capricorn societal structures had become larger and larger until few, but extraordinarily powerful, structures remained.

As Romney the Inevitable tried to overtake the presidency of the United States, Uranus in Aries made the people of the earth angry and they began to lash out at their rulers. As the people lashed out, Pluto began destroying the societal structures so people believed in them no more. Neptune entering Pisces made the people search again for union with the divine while still fearing personal extinction.

Challengers to Romney the Inevitable

There were several challengers to Romney the Inevitable who fell, one by one. First was Bach-not-Man a female contender. While she had the jolting energy of Uranus upon her, she fell quickly as the country did not prefer female rulers, having had none in its then 236-year history.

The second opponent was called Governor of Texas (Gobernador de Tejas in Spanish), Texas being a state in the Union before it seceded in 2050 to become its own country (before later being annexed by Mexico in 2075). Governor of Texas was suffering the combined energy of Virgo and Pisces and was not able to perform without considerable anxiety and thereby fell by illness of the nerves.

The third opponent was called Her-Nine due to his use of the magical number 9 during his challenge. Her-Nine was influenced by the fire energy which greatly roused the melancholy people. The watery energy of his challengers put out his fire by using the Power of Female against him.

The fourth opponent was called Newt-Get-Rich. This was the most slippery contender greatly under the influence of the sign Gemini. Newt-Get-Rich fell by his own tongue which lashed out randomly and ultimately retracted and strangled Newt-Get-Rich.

The fifth opponent was called Rick Swordman who was of fixed nature and strong opinion. Rick Swordman fell on his own sword of causes, which did not bend, which ended his challenge.

The sixth opponent was called Ron the Elder who had fixed energy and devoted followers but was not of the youthful agility to overcome Romney the Inevitable. Ron the Elder continued to guide the people through his tales of the past and stories of the paper “money.”

The seventh and final challenger was called Jon the Hunter (狩猎 in Chinese). Jon the Hunter hid his double Aries warrior energy from the people for a long time. Like a feline, Jon the Hunter examined his prey well before attack and sprung from hidden places. Unfortunately, Jon the Hunter forgot to spring.