As I lay in bed last night, I had one of those astrologer “duh” moments. The four current contenders for Republican Presidential candidate have the sun sign in each of the four elements – fire, earth, air and water. How perfect!

Fire – Ron Paul (Leo)
Earth – Rick Santorum (Taurus)
Air – Newt Gingrich (Gemini)
Water – Mitt Romney (Pisces)

The Astrological Elements

Fire is proud, assertive, courageous, confident and overbearing.
Earth is steady, practical, fact-oriented, serious and unimaginative.
Air is social, communicative, intelligent, fun and opportunistic.
Water is emotional, empathetic, imaginative, deep and self-pitying.

I’ve blogged on the astrological elements in The Wizard of Oz and Sex and the City. Here’s how each candidate plays out in fiction:

Ron Paul – He is definitely confident enough in his beliefs to run against the big guys regardless of results, which is like the Cowardly Lion learning courage by getting the Wicked Witch’s broom. He isn’t openly overly-sexed like Samantha, although with moon in Taurus he’s definitely sensual. If he ever became the candidate, we might very well find that there is some woman in his past. The women don’t get pulled out until the men prove a true threat to Romney.

Rick Santorum – He’s Dorothy, who wants to return to the black and white dry wasteland of Kansas instead of staying in the glittery and sparkly Oz. And, boy, is he the analytical and judgmental Miranda! Santorum could easily be a successful prosecuting attorney. I’m sure he could also tackle the Wicked Witch of the West with more than a bucket of water.

Newt Gingrich – He may not be the Straw Man, but he certainly knows how to set up a straw man. Gingrich’s head is full of “grandiose” ideas with no particular connection, like straw in a bag. He definitely changes partners like Carrie. Carrie is fickle, going back and forth with Mr. Big and cheating on Aiden. Carrie is the witty writer; Gingrich, the witty speaker.

Mitt Romney – The Tin Man is emotional and rusts when he cries, indicating that his emotions are crippling. Romney, too, has rusted and needs some lubricant. Like Charlotte, Romney likes marriage (he’s been married 42 years, I hear) and the emotional comforts of family life. Charlotte and Romney are traditional and old-fashioned.

The Astrological Modes

In addition to the four elements, there are three modes – cardinal, fixed and mutable. The four elements in three modes make the twelve signs of the zodiac.

Cardinal signs are the initiators of the zodiac. They are bossy and rearrange your furniture every time they walk into your house.

Fixed signs are the maintainers of the zodiac. They are steady and firm and are the ones you call when you lock your keys in your car or need saving.

Mutable signs are the changers of the zodiac. They are fluid and go with the flow and are the ones you call when you want to a hamburger in the middle of the night or want to confess your worst sins to someone won’t judge you.

Our candidates represent only two of the three modes – fixed and mutable.

Fixed – Ron Paul (fire), Rick Santorum (earth)
Mutable – Newt Gingrich (air), Mitt Romney (water)

Fixed Signs

The difference between fixed and mutable is VERY clear in this election process. Before a single question is asked, you know exactly what Paul and Santorum are going to say, right? That can be kind of boring, right?

Paul is for civil liberties, getting rid of defense spending and destroying the Federal Reserve. All questions lead to these three fundamental beliefs. Ask an economic question, get a Federal Reserve answer.

Santorum is about family and what are called conservative values. If ever in his past he swayed, he’s sorry. It was a mistake. End of story, I’m conservative. Black and white. Right and wrong.

Mutable Signs

Do you know what is going to come out of Gingrich’s and Romney’s mouth the minute it opens? I don’t think so, which is bad for a political candidate but lots of fun to watch.

On a radio show, Gingrich disses Romney. In the debate the next day when asked to explain, he reminds us that debates are debates and radio shows are radio shows. These are words that explain nothing. More than not being able to choose a life mate, Gingrich really can’t choose one of anything. He’s definitely a “licker,” as my friend calls them, people in the line at the ice cream store who taste lots of flavors before choosing.

Romney, I hear in the news, is not consistent either, although I don’t see it as clearly in the debates. Of course, there is the whole I might-possibly-consider-maybe showing you my tax returns. And then, sure, now that I’ve lost South Carolina I absolutely will show you my tax returns, at least a year, or maybe two years of returns, maybe, we’ll see.

Oh, and about that making money stuff – I’ve thought about it and I’m proud to be rich. Sorry if I tried to pretend I wasn’t wealthy.

How long will the four elements duel?

My astrological self was excited by Gingrich’s South Carolina win. That means more fun for at least a couple more weeks, if not months. As an Ohio astrologer, I so hope that the four elements, I mean candidates, make it on the Ohio ballot in March.