Newt Gingrich won the South Carolina Republican primary. This makes me as happy as a child who’s picked up from school and told that mommy doesn’t have time to make dinner and we are going to stop at McDonalds for a Happy Meal.

A Happy Meal has a greasy hamburger, greasy fries, a soda pop and a fun toy (Newt Gingrich). Tonight there’s no meatloaf (Rick Santorum), milk with dinner (Mitt Romney) or cold leftovers (Ron Paul).

Every kid needs a Happy Meal once in a while.

South Carolina really kicked it up, forgetting morals and religious stuff for an evening and voting for the guy who’s been married three times and been fined for ethics violations. Maybe if Gingrich wins the nomination he can pick a vice president who’s the nanny’s baby’s daddy (Arnold Schwarzenegger).

The good news is that while the folks in South Carolina may be religious, they aren’t judgmental. I’ll remember that if I ever getting a speeding ticket in that state; I will be speeding through it, that’s for sure.

The State of Florida

Florida, by its admittance to the Union, is a Pisces sun and Capricorn moon. We know that Florida has an older population, but by sun and moon Floridians are all old (and cantankerous) souls in some way.

Pisces is a sensitive, malleable water sign, fitting for a state surrounding on three sides by water. Capricorn is a serious, ambitious earth sign which says that no matter how sensitive Florida may seem, it’s truly proud, righteous and reverent of authority.

If you were a state and you wanted to court Florida with stately romance, my suggestion would be to appeal to the state’s poetic yet reverent nature by planning an impulsive dinner of poetry, rose petals and wine but make sure it’s at the fanciest, most expensive restaurant in town and make sure some famous person or big-wig just happens to be eating there that evening.

Florida’s horoscope also contains fire and air which means there is an overall balance in the state’s collective personality. Mars in Sagittarius would suggest a love of travel which Jupiter and Uranus conjunct in Aries a forceful, aggressive exuberance.

The air in the horoscope is all in the sign of Aquarius with Saturn, Neptune, Venus and Mercury all placed in that sign. Aquarius is about collective ideals. Aquarians are firm in their ideas of how things “should be” for the benefit of all involved.

In other words, Republican candidates, don’t say things in Florida like, “I’d love to pass a bill allowing free swimming lessons to all Americans, but Congress just won’t pass it.” Just stick with “All Americans should have free swimming lessons.”

January 23, 2012 Debate Prep Sheet

The January 23 debate in Tampa, Florida will occur with both the sun and moon in Aquarius. Idealistic logic and dedicated fraternity flows in the air like electrical currents.

Aquarius is detached and unemotional. No crying, no weeping and no pity. Florida’s Pisces sun wants to project a warm and empathetic entity, but all other sign placements indicate Florida is truly detached and slow to change opinion which is in sync with the energy during the debate.

In order of performance in South Carolina:

Newt Gingrich – Aquarius air energy is compatible with your Gemini air energy – both like to talk ideas. But remember, Aquarius is fixed and you are full of mutable signs (Gemini and Sagittarius). Florida wants plans, the blueprint, not just talk. It’s time to pretend that you can be steady. Tell them how when you were young you had the responsibility of feeding the dog and how you got up every day (or, at least, most days) to take care of this great responsibility you were given. Aquarius energy opposes your Pluto/Venus conjunction in Leo. Make sure you say a lot of “we” and not “I.”

Mitt Romney – As with Gingrich and Paul, the Leo in your chart says “I” while Aquarius is asking for “we.” Make sure that you appear to be working for Floridians and not yourself. Aquarian energy is detached which is not your natural energy pattern. You are emotional and intense with a desire to connect spiritually. You have to learn from Gingrich while in Florida how to use logos and not pathos. Like Aquarius, Pisces has an ideal world, but it’s an emotional world. Pisces wants a group hug and Aquarius wants a group community center. Pisces wants cooperation and Aquarius wants traffic lights. See the difference?

Rick Santorum – The pundits said this morning that it’s over for you. You say it’s not. Looking at the Florida and debate horoscopes, I’m ready to agree with you. The energy in the debate and primary match your energy. The debate energy is Aquarius, the sign in which your moon is placed. The primary day energy is sun in Aquarius and moon in Taurus – you have sun in Taurus, moon in Aquarius. Florida’s chart is full of Aquarius. You just have to curb that need to talk about the details of politics. Stick with the ideals and leave the details for later since the presidency is still far, far away. There’s a difference between laying out a blueprint and providing extraneous detail. When Walt Disney laid out the plan for DisneyWorld, for example, did he worry about the price of an ice cream cone?

Ron Paul – With sun in Leo and moon in Taurus, planets in Aquarius create a T-square for you. It does for Santorum as well but he’s already got that Aquarian energy. This energy is alien to you. Leo is opposite Aquarius so there will be an issue of whether your candidacy is for YOU or for US. Make sure your Virgo Mercury, Neptune and Venus come across as detailed plans rather than just persnickety nit picking. Everyone in Florida (and the universe) knows what you believe. Now it’s time to say what the US will look like without defense spending, foreign military bases or a Federal Reserve. Tell the people, for example, whether or not they will need to carry gold nuggets for trade and an AK-47 for self-defense when you are president.