Ohio Astrology Offers Santorum $25 to Mow Lawn

Every day the list of Mitt Romney endorsers grows. Today Wisconsin Rep Ryan Paul endorsed Romney for GOP Presidential Candidate following in the footsteps Republican Party titans Jeb Bush, George H. W. Bush, Marco Rubio and Governor Chris Christie.

The message is clear – runner-up Rick Santorum needs to cease and desist.

While a message from the Bushes is like a message from Zeus, Ohio Astrology knows that Santorum is made of rock and very well may resist the call to end his campaign. Rock responds to the call of water and wind, but over very long periods of time.

Ohio Astrology, having unique insight into the candidates, would like to offer advice. As usual, OHA helps where it can.

Rick Santorum

This may very well be the last time Santorum’s name is emboldened upon this blog. Santorum has sun in fixed earth sign Taurus and moon in fixed air sign Aquarius.

For starters, fixed signs can’t be pushed. Pushing against fixed signs is like trying to push a fire hydrant. I once bumped into a fire hydrant on a walk and still have the bruise.

A fire hydrant is built very, very sturdy to withstand the pressure within. Open the hydrant and water will knock you over.

Notice that Santorum has been nasty lately? Someone’s pushing the hydrant.

Aquarius moon

Let’s start with the moon in Aquarius. Aquarius has a very fixed view of how things “should be,” an idealistic impression that it wants to force upon the world. Often these ideas are progressive and it can take years for society to catch up.

Aquarius is also a rebel. Say “left” and Aquarius will go right. Say “get out of the race” and Aquarius will stay in.

Don’t send a command to an Aquarius moon (or sun).

Taurus sun

Taurus is a practical earth sign that views the world in concrete terms. There’s the right way to do things and the wrong way. You balance your checkbook and everyone is happy. If there’s a problem, fix it. If there’s not a problem, leave it alone.

Taurus can be quite peaceful in its simplicity because it really doesn’t force itself onto the world. It’s happy doing things the “right” way and assumes everyone will notice the peace that comes with adapting to the material world and follow suit.

Taurus, like all earth signs, likes to be useful and productive. Taurus is a creature of the physical world and likes to accumulate. More than any other sign, Taurus derives pleasure from material goods.

What to do with Rick?

The GOP must remember that Santorum is currently unemployed. Taurus likes to be employed and productive. You might argue that all signs like this; I disagree. Everyone wants money, but not all want to work.

With Jupiter transiting his sun, Santorum is looking to increase his income.

The GOP, to get rid of Santorum, needs to offer him a job, and quickly. A job that is both money-earning (Taurus) and unusual (Aquarius) would suit Santorum best. OHA has already suggested Ambassador to the Philippines, but this won’t happen, if it happens at all, until January 2013.

While the GOP finds the perfect election season position for Santorum, OHA extends the offer to have Santorum mow my lawn for $25. It’s been a warm and rainy March and the lawn needs a trim.

Santorum, supporter of family values, manufacturing and good old-fashioned hard work and opponent of unemployment benefits will probably jump at this opportunity. It’s also a chance to lose that Jupiter-transit-Taurus-sun campaign weight.

That’s $25 for good, hard work – $25 of pride. No welfare, no unemployment benefits.

My Google search indicated that there are 55 million registered Republicans. To be conservative, let’s say that’s 25 million households and half of those have a lawn. That makes 12.5 million Republican households that could hire Santorum to mow the lawn.

If Republicans rally to the cause and offer Santorum $25 to mow the lawn, Santorum could earn $312.5 million by the end of the summer. Assuming a 33% tax rate, Santorum can pocket $209.4 million. In income, Santorum will have beaten Romney.

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About ohioastrology

I'm just another soul trying to make sense of the world. As I've grown, so has my understanding of astrology. I'd like to communicate that astrology is not occult and not fortune-telling but that it is a fluid, creative description of the life we choose to live.
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