Economic relief is coming to Ohio. Governor John Kasich is proposing a tax on entertainment, including bowling alleys.

Bowling is sacred no longer. Its hundreds (if not thousands) of years of protection are coming to an end. Bowling is known to take over the minds and souls of those that enter its alleys. It’s about time that bowling alleys pay their fair share of taxes.

Remember that it was Ohio’s governor that rose to the challenge.

The American Bowling Congress

What does the American Bowling Congress, founded September 9, 1895, think about a bowling tax?

My quick Internet search yielded nothing. The American Bowling Congress is content to allow this tax to pass. An organization with a Taurus moon might just do that. Taurus in general is a Type B, content until it’s not content, which can take awhile. This sign is not rushing to be first in line.

The sun is in Virgo on September 9 and Virgos have a lot to say about everything. If you need feedback on everything from your Ph.D. thesis to how to pick a banana, seek out this sign.

Virgo and Taurus – both are earth signs. Is bowling earthy?

Well, you use an object to knock over other objects. That’s kind of earthy. In other sports, you may be pushing, kicking, dribbling, knocking or throwing a ball, but you have other people interacting with you, even in billiards or golf. Their balls can knock into your balls if not they into you (sounds fun).

Bowling is solitary – it’s just you and the lane and those far away pins (and a bunch of people behind you who think they are bowling experts telling you what to do – hey, there’s your Virgo).

Other aspects of bowling feel Gemini, which is the third sign of the zodiac. The ball has three holes. There are ten pins lined up in a triangle, which has three sides. The high score is 300, which adds up to three. The toughest play is the splits, like the Gemini twins.

The Big Lebowski

If bowling is taxed, should The Big Lebowski be taxed as well?

According to IMDB.com, the plot to The Big Lebowski is as such:

“When ‘The Dude’ Lebowski is mistaken for a millionaire Lebowski, two thugs urinate on his rug to coerce him into paying a debt he knows nothing about. While attempting to gain recompense for the ruined rug from his wealthy counterpart, he accepts a one-time job with high pay-off. He enlists the help of his bowling buddy, Walter, a gun-toting Jewish-convert with anger issues. Deception leads to more trouble, and it soon seems that everyone from porn empire tycoons to nihilists want something from The Dude. Written by J. Lake”

In one scene of the movie, The Big Lebowski is lying on a rug listening to the sound of a bowling alley, pins falling, power lift cleaning away pins.

The Big Lebowski was released on March 6, 1998 (Happy 15th birthday!). March 6 is Pisces, the sign that rules hypnosis.

Freaky.

This proves that bowling is hypnotic and should be taxed to prevent the innocent from having enough money to play more than one game. Because The Big Lebowski promotes bowling and bowling is being taxed, it makes perfect sense that this movie be taxed as well.

Camper Van Beethoven

If The Big Lebowski is being taxed as a bowling-related entity, then the musical group Camper Van Beethoven should pay a tax every time they sing “Take the Skinheads Bowling.”

Also, the American Bowling Congress adopted its rules “at the Sept. 9, 1895 meeting in New York’s Beethoven Hall.”

Beethoven Hall – Camper Van Beethoven.

Freaky.

Wikipedia has a birthday for lead singer and “Take the Skinheads Bowling” writer David Lowery. Lowery is a Virgo who may also have moon in Virgo. Reading to the end of this Wikipedia article (a rarity for me), indicates that Lowery is a derivatives trader.

I wonder if we could earn more taxing derivatives than taxing bowling? Hmmm.

Lowery has sun and Pluto conjunct (in Virgo) which is also a mark in Michael Jackson’s and Lance Armstrong’s charts and indicates more than a little intensity and need for control.

I wonder what Lowery thinks about the bowling tax. If you bring a skinhead friend bowling, should the tax be waived to encourage business growth? Or should the friend and the skinhead both pay the bowling tax?

In Summary

In summary, bowling is finally being treated like every other business (all businesses pay taxes, right?). Since bowling is being taxed, also too should The Big Lebowski and Camper Van Beethoven be taxed as well. It’s only fair.

In addition to the bowling tax, this article states that dating services could also be taxed. The big question here is who should pay the dating tax – the man, the woman or should they go dutch?